Vista: Cozumel

By
Saint Greg

April 25, 2019

Good morning! We are still making our way to Cozumel. I have the Cozumel Barhop Tour booked for today. I want to have a quick breakfast so I can catch our arrival.

Two other ships are already in. I’m guessing something of the seas and Carnival Dream.

Here is today’s schedule of events.

They struggled to get us tied down.

I’ve had a lot of morning coffees over there.

This one must’ve come in while we were coming in. Probably while they were trying to figure out how to tie us down.

For this Cozumel Barhop Tour you are supposed to be at Senor Frogs Downtown at 10am. The tour leaves at 10:15. My plan was to leave the ship no later than 9:30. I wanted to leave at 9:15 to be safe. I get back to my room to get ready and realize it’s already 9am. By the time I’m ready to walk out the door it’s 9:30. I go to open the safe, type in my code and get ERR. I do it again ERR. I type it the code I may have used by mistake if I were intoxicated the last time I locked it and get another ERR. My safe will not open.

I’m looking around the room and I notice my waterproof case is on the desk, which still has my passport in it, which has the cash I didn’t spend in Grand Cayman in it. I grab it and also go though some pairs of pants in search of 1’s I didn’t use for tips.

I scrounged together $100. I was planning on bringing more than that but it may be enough to get me by. I need 10 plus tip for a cab. 40 plus tip for the tour and then whatever I’m going to spend. I’m thinking a beer per bar x four bars. I have no idea what a beer costs over there. Let’s say 30 for that. That pretty much wipes me out. If I could go back, I’d grab the pesos that are buried in my backpack from the last time I was in Merida. I think I have about 500 pesos which is about 20 dollars now.

I get off the ship and race through Puerta Maya.

The cab stand has a long line. I’m passing them up. I’ve been here a million times now and I’ve never caught a cab there. I walk down to the Permex gas station and catch a cab that just gassed up. If there wasn’t one there I know a bunch of them park on that next street. We’re rolling at 9:50. Andele! andele!

It’s a $10 ride to senor frogs and I get there right at 10am.

Senor Frogs

They have a couple of barhopping people out front. After we all check in we head to the bus out back.

Punta Morena

Our first stop is Punta Morena. They have swing bar seats, a nice beach, and vendors. We get a shot at each stop. The free drink here was called the Mayan sacrifice.

After walking around and taking some pictures I returned to the bar for a beer.

While sitting at the swing bar this lady wouldn’t stop bugging me about a massage. She wanted to give me a free one and all that. I just wanted to get rid of her…so there was this couple from my group. I told her the guy, we’ll call him boats, was looking for a massage. So she goes and messes with boats and leaves me alone. Boats informs her he does not want a massage and it ends. But it’s only the beginning.

We get back to the buses and I’m thinking the bus was bigger when we got off it.

It turns out they had a second barhop tour after ours and that van was for them. Our bus was still there.

Coconuts

The second stop was coconuts. This right next to a hotel that was built in 1970 for a secret meeting between Fidel Castro and the Mexican President. It was abandoned for 30 years and is now the only hotel on the east side. The only people allowed to stay on the east side at night are the people in that hotel.

The free shot at Coconuts is called the Tequila Slammer.

Once everyone gets settled in at the bar I decide to sneak away to take a peek at the Fidel Castro hotel.

Back to the bar. Dogs are just running loose in here.

They’ve got a bird at the bar in here.

I’m sticking with the Sol.

You have to take the tour to see the pictures in these books. They are filled with things ladies have done/shown in the bar.

There was a couple, not in our group, that was sitting next to me at the bar. They had a bunch of food and drinks. This guy brings their bill over and says it’s 42. She asked 42 pesos? He says no, 42 dollars and walks away.

I hear them talking about how they don’t have 42 dollars and they didn’t realize it was that much money. The husband tells the wife “we’ll just give him 22 dollars. The guy comes back they give him 22. He says it’s 42 and then walks away again. The husband says he wants to get rid of pesos so he has the wife go over and give the guy 700 pesos and they walk out. I think that’s still short. I want to say that’s about $35.

After that couple left I slid down and found myself next to boats and wife. Our guide stopped by and gave us a 10 minute warning. I tell boats that’s enough time to get one of the massages by Nacho. Up by the bathroom there’s a massage table and sign “massages by Nacho.”

El Pescador

Our guide mentioned the place that used to be the third stop is now closed. They have a different third stop now, El Pescador. The free drink here was called The Blue Lagoon.

When I went out to take pictures of the area, boats and his wife had just wrapped up a photo session at the Tiki. In passing I pointed out the massage area to boats.

Rasta’s

The fourth stop was a place called Rasta’s. It’s known as the Bob Marley bar.

Our free drink there was called the Iguana.

They make and sell peanut butter tequila there. I would’ve tried it but they sold out before I could. Boats’ wife offered me some of hers. “If you don’t mind drinking after me,” she said. I do. It was nice of her to offer though. They say it’s really good if you like peanut butter. You can order it. Here is their card.

I’m sticking with the Sol.

Next to Rasta’s is a very small chapel. Our tour guide, Colleen, gave me a personal tour. She said it can be used for weddings and renewing wedding vows. She said the Cozumel Barhop Tour has organized such events if that interests anyone.

I know I parked a bus out here. Has anyone seen it?

On the ride back most tours have quiet time and the tour guide takes a break. In this case Colleen remained engaged and tried to keep it fun with interactive songs like YMCA.

They dropped us off right in front of Puerta Maya so no cab ride back required.

After the long ride back I needed to use the restroom. I go take care of that and when I walk out guess who is leaned up against the wall with his back to me? Boats. He’s alone and I assume waiting on the wife. I walk up behind him and say “do you know where I can get a massage around here?” He turns around and busts out in laughter.

I enjoyed the tour. If you haven’t done it you should. I’ve been to Cozumel nine times and and this was my first time on the east side of the island. I’m sure I’ll go on the tour again another time. If you want to book the tour you can do so at www.cozumelbarhop.com.

This is the shirt you get your first time on the tour.

This is the shirt you get when you repeat the tour.

Seems legit.

After the tour I was hungry. I was going to try to find some lobster on the tour but remember I had the safe issue. I had to watch my spending. I had a beer at each stop. I tipped Colleen and the driver and came back with $15.

I had JiJi’s scheduled at 5:30 but I wanted to get something in me now so I grabbed a ringer.

All aboard was 40 mins ago we’re still waiting on four people.

We did get them this one said she was bit by a shark.

The others were carted in.

We got a nice send off from the Dream cruisers when we finally left.

Dinner

Due to our late departure I was late getting to JiJi’s for my dinner reservation.

The waitress said this means lucky. That’s what it means in English as well.

I didn’t really like my server. First off she gave me one of the booth/chair tables which is great. I like to face the booth. Servers never want you facing the booth. I think it’s easier for them because the aisle chair is totally pushed in and when they walk down the aisle they can interact with you without walking around the table to face you.

Usually when you say you want to sit in the chair they take that as the final answer but this one didn’t. Finally I moved. I thought she was a bit rude though.

Compliments of the chef.

I kept forgetting this was my water. Looks like a candle. I intended to order a cocktail and/or Asian beer but I forgot with all the weird waitress stuff going on.

I wasn’t thinking about the fact that I had that burger. I really should’ve selected a lighter appetizer than the duck.

I get halfway through the duck and I start thinking I’m not going to make it through this meal If I eat this whole thing. The waitress seemed offended that I didn’t finish the duck. And she would not let it go.

I also think I broke a rule on the sides. I always get two sides. But I see she wrote ones on the menu. I heard someone in the kitchen saying someone picked two of something when it should’ve been one. They may have been talking about me. I would’ve been fine without that noodle thing. I was just trying something new and it turns out I didn’t like it anyway. But nobody said anything.

We get to the main and I got the exra spicy kung pao chicken. I may have offended the waitress with my Seinfeld Kung POW! Reference. I don’t know. I don’t think she watches much Seinfeld. I ate all of the Kung pow, most of the rice. I love piping hot steamed white rice with my chineese food. It’s the best. I only ate a couple bites of that noodle side. I had to explain myself for not finishing that as well. While I was taking a bite of the Kung POW she gets up in my face and says “you like the food? It good for you?” It was really creepy.

I had the crepe dessert.

Comedy Club

After dinner I hit the PG comedy show. This is a comedian I haven’t seen yet. There’s still space available at the start of the show.

Leaving the PG comedy show there was already a line to get into the comedy club for the 8:30 adult show.

I walked down the the main lounge to see if I could catch part of the main show. It’s America rocks which I believe is a good rock show with a live band. When I got down there the show was letting out. I’m full from dinner and tired so I want to kick back somewhere comfortable.

I decided to head back to the comedy club and grab one of those comfy looking round seats I’ve never sat in and order another Funship (had one at the earlier show).

Main Lounge

I don’t know why I’m dragging tonight. I just don’t feel like walking up stairs or sitting at bars. I walk down to the theater first level and grab me one of the theater seats. When a server comes around I’ll order another drink. The America Rocks pre-show starts in 5 minutes. The main show in 20.

Matt is sneaking up and scaring people with this dummy pre-show.

Who designed this? I’m supposed to put my drink there? How do you do that without knocking it over? It’s on the arm rest. If I don’t knock it over the person next to me will.

I watched this guy tell half a dozen people these two seats were saved. 25 mins into the show they’re still open. I invited one of the couples looking for seats to sit with me. With 13 mins left in the show a couple came in and took those two seats anyway. The guy gave them the stink eye.

Atrium Bar

I’m known for leaving just before the end of something so I can snag a seat at the next event. I left America Rocks during the last song to snag a bar seat for the Rock N Glow party.