Glory Days: Montego Bay

By
Saint Greg

October 22, 2019

Good morning! Today we’re going to be in Montego Bay, Jamaica. I’m going on Carnival’s “Top 10 Best of Montego Bay” tour. If you’re interested in reading about Dunn’s River Falls, you can read about that here: Vista: Montego Bay.

After the first adult comedy show last night I was really tired. I guess I haven’t adjusted to vacation time. Asleep at 10:30 and up by 6:30 has been my schedule at home.

I think this is the first time I’ve gone to bed that early on a ship. This is also the earliest I’ve been up without a really early excursion.

My excursion meets in three hours which means I have enough time to do something I’ve never done on a ship before–Eat a port day breakfast in the MDR.

Here is a look at Today’s Fun Times:

I’m very considerate of other people’s sleep. I don’t understand why some aren’t. I didn’t want to run the shower but then I thought the water pressure is so low I can barely hear the shower in my bathroom. I’m sure it’s fine. So I got ready and headed out.

While I’m getting ready I hear four doors slam and a group of people talking very loudly. I’m careful to close my door quietly. As I’m leaving this lady comes out of the laundry room. As she’s walking down the hallway she’s still talking to the other lady in the laundry room “THAT’S WHY I DIVORCED HIM, GIRL! HAHAHA.”

I really want to ask if she realizes people could be sleeping in the rooms she’s walking by…But I move on.

I go outside and catch the arrival. They had a master of ceremonies welcoming us this time. They didn’t have that when I was here in February.

Main Dining Room

Next to the dining room for my first ever MDR breakfast. The hostess knows my name. I didn’t like where I was sitting but I went with it.

I’m pretty good with my peripheral vision and when I sat down, green shorts over there was staring at me….for an extended period. Finally I look at him and he looks away. I really have to get this on video sometime. People look at me like I’m an exhibit at a museum. I assume it’s because I’m eating alone.

Vanilla French toast (which is really just regular French toast), hash browns and bacon.

”Would you like ketchup, sir?”

”Not unless you have Whataburger spicy ketchup.”

“Jamaica, man. Go to Jamaica. Have some rum man.”

-Del Griffith

I grabbed a white chocolate mocha from the coffee shop and headed to my favorite coffee spot.

I’m going to head out. I have 25 minutes until my tour meets. I may check out their little market since I didn’t have time to last time with Dunn’s River Falls.

Hey look, Glory holes.

This is what it looks like when you step into the Montego Bay Cruise terminal. Taxis straight ahead, excursion lines to the right.

This is where the excursions meet.

I have some time before my excursion. I’m going to step outside and look at the market area.

They say they’re going to have a raggae band here and cultural dancing so if I didn’t want to go anywhere an alternative to not getting off of the ship would be to wait for the band to get started, come out here, grab one of those meat pattis, a red stripe, watch the show, look around the market, then get back on the ship.

9:25am. Time to get in line for the excursion.

This is the same type of shuttle bus I had out of Grand Cayman in February. The one where we had so many people I had to sit in one of those little fold down seats in the middle.

I’ve been polite letting people go before me but it’s time to start thinking about not ending up in one of those seats.

The bus has two on one side, one on the other, four on the back row, and fold down seats in the aisles.

These air vents are such that I can’t figure out if they’re supposed to be on me or the people in front of me. They won’t move back enough to hit my head. They go further forward than back. I put the ones behind me on me but I’m not sure that’s right either. It’s like my head is in the perfect spot where no air can hit me.

I put those rear vents on me before anyone was sitting there. I don’t think they noticed yet.

Our tour guide is Sandra (2nd picture) and our bus driver is Omish…or something.

Old yeller can be seen in the last picture.

9:33am Scratch that we just pulled over to change buses because we have more people coming. They said they want everyone to be comfortable. I like to be comfortable so I’m good with that.

The new bus is much better. 9 rows of two on each side. And five on the back row. I have a two seat row to myself. I count 24 people on a 40 person bus.

The air is great for me. Some people on the other side are complaining of no air. I think they just don’t know how to operate a vent.

They’re taking scotchies jerk chicken/pork orders on the bus already…$6.

It’s 9:50 am and I just ate breakfast two hours ago. Hopefully it’ll be closer to lunch time when we actually get there.

I’m not committing to it this early. Only one person on the bus is.

We’re finally pulling out at 9:55 am. Again with the jerk chicken orders. They’re up to three people. I’m not one of them.

This is the left side of the road they call it the right side. The other side they call the suicide.

Our first stop (really drive through) is the Westgate hills residential area. Homes here range from 450k-1mil. It’s mostly foreigners who use them as winter homes.

Out of the neighborhood now.

Bashco = Costco

Old shipping dock.

Harbor Street craft market

That’s /Liter

Sam Sharpe Square

National Museum

Union Street

They say it’s called Union Street because this is where slave trading occurred.

They say this is the building where the slave trading occurred.

We almost hit a guy on a bicycle. This bus is big enough I don’t think it would’ve affected me though.

Man our bus driver doesn’t give a darn. You better get out of the way if you’re on foot.

Courthouse

These Juici Pattis seem like a big deal here. They’re all over the place. That’s what was in that case at the cruise center.

Queen’s Drive

Ship pictures from Queen’s Drive which was built by Queen Elizabeth II in 1953. Well..I doubt she actually built it herself.

The airport also seen from Queen’s Drive.

Residential area

I think they said this one was called Island Shore.

This driver again..makes a late stop at a stop light.

Maybe I should put a seat belt on…

Scotchies

10:55. This is the first stop. It’s the Scotchies Jerk chicken/shopping stop.

They said this is the best shopping spot. I think that means this is the spot where they know people and get kickbacks for bringing us there first and telling us it’s the best shopping spot.

On the jerk chicken orders we went from 1 to 3 to 0.

I figured this deal out. They want you to order food on the bus, shop while they go order it, and eat it on the bus.

This is what people were complaining about in the reviews I read.

I wasn’t having it. I wanted the full dining experience. I don’t care about the shopping. We have other shopping stops coming up.

I’m walking over to Scotchies and this Jamaican…we’ll call him Smokey was trying to stop me. Hey man where ya from? I just blew him off. I have limited time and I’m not looking to shop.

I got this different kind of Red Stripe and 1/4 jerk chicken. I’ll stick to the regular Red Stripe from now on.

Coming out of scotchies heading to the bus Smokey stops me.

Yo man where ya from?

I just keep walking he walks next to me

I’m a farmer man.

I grow marijuana man.

I got a rolled one in my pocket man

You want it man?

When I get back on the bus everyone is already there and nobody is eating. Looks like everyone fell for the shopping thing and I was the only one who ate.

I finished the beer on the bus. Fortunately they had a spot for empty beer bottles.

They call this the old windmill.

Shoppes at Rose Hall

Next stop is the Shoppes at Rose Hall. We arrive at 11:30 and we have 45 minutes here.

This is a nice picture spot in the back. You have no idea how long I had to wait to get a picture of it without someone posing for their own picture in front of it. They had a gazebo smoking area back there as well.

I’m not sure what was going on with the coconut. I thought they were going to get one of those coconuts with a straw. This guy emptied the coconut water into a ziplock bag. Then cut out some of the coconut and put it in the bag. They kept looking at me like they Didn’t appreciate me watching and taking pictures so I moved on before the exciting conclusion.

I moved over to the food and bar area.

They had shopping, a D.J., food. I just grabbed a Red Stripe at the bar.

I grabbed my beer and stood by a fan in eating area for a few minutes. You can see one on the right side of the picture below. When I felt like the table of people that fan was on had about enough of me…I left.

Looks like they’re jerking chickens here as well.

On the way out I stopped at the Blue Mountain Cafe. This is like their PJ’s or Starbucks only more expensive. It was $4 for a small brewed blue mountain. I didn’t need coffee but I wanted to try theirs without having to lug a bag of it home. Besides Mr. Coffee is broken anyway.

The Hip Strip

Next is Margaritaville/Hip Strip. We’re supposed to be there for 50 minutes.

The problem is they started that clock about 10 minutes before we got off the bus. So we really only had 40 minutes.

They said if you wanted to eat at Margaritaville you needed to order as soon as we got there.

Fortunately they had a coffee cup holder on the bus.

Usain Bolt Statue

I think I want to check out the action in this casino.

These people have a totally different definition of gaming than I do.

Maybe it’ll get better upstairs.

Nope. They do birthday parties though.

I go up the next flight of stairs and…Jackpot!

This is a picture of the security lady telling me I can’t take pictures.

I wasn’t permitted to take pictures of the casino but they had a lot of penny slots. The only table games were electronic…which I won’t play.

They have a really nice semi circle bar and TVs with American sports on. They had great view as well. Too bad I couldn’t take a picture.

They did let me take a picture of the ship from right outside the bar area. I got Margaritaville as well.

I headed across the street to check out Margaritaville and grab a beer.

You have a good view of the ship from here. This is one of the pictures I really wanted last time but missed because I killed my phone battery at Dunn’s River Falls.

There are two levels with bars and seating. This is the lower level.

I would guess this is a stage for entertainment. They didn’t have any while I was there.

A plane coming in for landing at the airport we saw earlier.

This level has these misting machines blowing on the tables.

I’m going to check out the action upstairs and grab a beer.

I grabbed a Red Stripe draft from the bar.

We had an extended wait for our bus since this bus was sitting in the only spot in front of Margaritaville. During that time I had four people try to sell me weed. One of them points at my beer and says “That beer sucks man. Red Stripe is better.” Of course the beer I was drinking was a Red Stripe draft in a Margaritaville cup. I guess he assumed I was drinking Bud Light or something.

They tell us we may have to walk across the street and up a hill to where our bus was parked. Which was kind of dumb because right after that this bus pulls out and there’s a parking spot. I think they just didn’t want to have to move the bus in this traffic.

Finally they confirmed we have to walk across the street and up the hill.

Old yeller said he wasn’t a walking up any hills.

Here’s the walk up the hill. No that’s not our bus. It’s way up there. I stayed behind this struggling elderly couple in case they had a problem. Old yeller crossed the street but waited at the bottom of the hill. I guess we all could’ve done that.

Here’s a look down the hill. Old Yeller under the covered area.

We get going and hit the traffic. This is the kind of traffic that made our Dunn’s River Falls tour late for the ship last cruise. Fortunately this is a much shorter excursion. We have plenty of time.

On the way back I got to smell stinky’s feet the entire time. I basically just had my nose up to the air vent.

When we got back to the port I grabbed this shot of the cultural dancers.

It looks like the reggae band is on break.

Before I got on the ship I decided to try one of these Juici Pattis. Natchitoches meat pies are much better in my opinion.

Back on the ship here are a couple final shots of Montego Bay.

Blue Iguana Cantina

I caught the Blue Iguana putting out a fresh batch of chicken taco meat so I grabbed a couple.

Serenity Bar

I hit the serenity bar area and grabbed a funship special.

Here is the Serenity Bar menu.

I decided to try the coconut martini.

If you want to really test your heart and wear half of your coconut martini, stand here when the ship is about to leave. That little horn packs a punch.

Main Dining Room

I’m back at my table in the MDR. The guy who kept staring at me on elegant night is back in his booth. I made sure I had my back to him this time.

Here is a look at the menu tonight.

I’m trying one of the newer Carnival beers. This is the Parched Pig Toasted Amber.

This is the Steak and Ale cheddar soup

Here we have the braised short ribs, broccoli, and mac n cheese

And chocolate melting cake for dessert

Skybox Sports Bar

After dinner I caught a few minutes of Hasboro the game show, then I headed to the Alchemy. The Alchemy was packed. I headed to the Sports Bar to watch baseball.

I had a few Bohemia beers while I was there.

A couple of guys sitting next to me got into a capitalism vs. socialism debate with the bartender. It was annoying and delayed me getting a beer.

In between there I had to go to the bathroom.

The closest is in the casino. This is the situation. This is the worst with space. On Vista they took out the middle one to give the other two more space.

of course when I walk in there’s one guy in there…in the middle. Even has his arms up on the partitions so he’s taking up more than just his space. finally he moves his arm so I can get in there.